6 ways we all justify wrong choices

You don’t work in the people business very long before you come to realize that none of us are exempt from stupidity. It only takes one wrong decision to end a career, blow up a marriage or destroy a family. While each of us is prone to make really foolish moral decisions, I have come to realize that–in the mind of the sinner–those decisions have usually been justified. If we could learn to battle these false justifications before we actually made the moral decision we’d stand a much better chance of making the right one.  Here are six ways we all justify our wrongdoing.

  • Justification by blame-shifting: You make me so mad when you do that.
  • Justification by comparison: I know what I did was wrong, but it wasn’t as bad as what they did.
  • Justification though weakness: I tried to say no, but the temptation was too great.
  • Justification by independence: It’s my life; I think I should be able to do what I want.
  • Justification by merit: I had a hard week; I felt like I deserved the pleasure.
  • Justification by majority: Everybody else is doing it; it can’t that bad.

While each of these justifications is wrong, they feel so right at the time. In the Puritan prayer-book The Valley of Vision, one old saint recorded:

Let me never forget that the hideousness of sin lies not so much in the nature of the sin committed, as in the greatness of the Person sinned against.

Now there’s a prayer worth remembering next time your desires try to get you to justify your wrong decisions.

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources can be found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com.

If you’re looking for a resource for your men’s group, consider 4M Training. Mature, master, minister, and mentor in 13 weeks. Click on image below to learn more.

The Sabbatical and the Tiny House

The church where I pastor was kind enough to release me for a 15-week sabbatical over the course of this past year. The idea behind a sabbatical comes from the Old Testament where God ordained that the land and people should have a time of rest. For me, the sabbatical not only provided that time of rest, but it allowed me to push reset on my weekly duties, routines, and emotions. Looking back, I realize that I was unable to do that without an interruption to my week to week ministry. As pastors, it’s easy to feel this way. For no sooner than we utter Sunday’s final Amen, then the hourglass flips and we’re on the clock for the next weekend.

Sooner or later, all pastors have heard the joke that they only work one day a week. But the truth is that your public work on Sunday is preceded by a never-ending week of ministry duties, mental routines, and pastoral emotions. Over time, the friction of those three elements rubbing together can begin to wear down each of them—your duties, routines and emotions. Without being consciously aware of it, I was beginning to lose the joy of helping others carry their burdens—a unique privilege of the pastoral call (Gal 6:2). I wouldn’t say I was burning out, but I do believe I was thinning out. Bilbo Baggins words described me: I feel thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. If you are involved in ministry and those words resonate with you, a sabbatical would be beneficial. I had no idea, how that time away would restore my desire to be a joyful-burden-bearer.

Try Something Completely Different

One of our elders encouraged me to do something entirely different during my time away from ministry responsibilities. His father, as a pastor had maintained this practice throughout numerous sabbaticals, and it had extended his ministry. So, as I stepped away from all the work I typically did with my mind (Sunday preparation, teaching, counseling, and writing) I was looking for something I could do with my hands. I wanted to come away from the sabbatical with a project completed. Frankly, I wanted to build something. As I prayed and wrestled with this desire, a really crazy idea began to materialize. I began to study Tiny Houses and wondered if I could build one and travel in it during the course of my sabbatical (I told you it was a really crazy idea). I was drawn to minimalistic living, practicing simplicity and doing all of it with my family.

The trailer base arrived the first week of June and we were off to the races. With the help of some friends a house began to appear on the 18-foot trailer. Thirty-five days later, on July 7th, we hitched our Expedition up to our tiny house on wheels and headed west—an adventure that would last for 40 days. While I would not recommend this type of sabbatical for everyone, here’s a few ways it was restorative for me personally.

I had to depend on others.

My church family helped me with some of the purchases and gifted their labor and expertise into the project or I would not have been able to complete it. They gave up back-to-back weekends, labored through hot Jersey summer days, and did it all with a joy that convicted me. I started to ask myself good questions: Was I serving them with the kind of energy and joy with which they were serving me?  Was I discovering that joy in ministry through a team effort? There’s something energizing about working shoulder to shoulder with other men and completing the project. At its completion, one of my friends commented, “A lot of hands have touched that house.” He was right. It’s a good thing when we need the help of others.

I had to work hard.

When you’ve been behind a desk for a few decades, muscles atrophy. Even if you exercise routinely, it’s not the same as laboring in the hot sun for 15-hour days. In the beginning I felt my weakness, but by the end I was finding my strength. I dropped 15 pounds and felt my energy level rising. Pain that I’d experienced in my hands prior to the sabbatical, dissipated. When you’ve physically spent yourself, sleep comes quickly. In some way, the physical activity was restorative to my mental and emotional capacities. I was able to think more clearly, and I began to rediscover the joy I had in helping others. While I labored for those 35 days, completely removed from ministry, there was another transition taking place. The complete transition to physical labor, allowed me to close ministry chapters that I’d been carrying around in my head for years. The closing of those chapters allowed me to begin to dream about the new chapters that God might pen in my life and in the life of my flock.

I had to walk by faith.

Building a house (even if it’s tiny) in 35 days isn’t the way most would plan to rest (I told you it was a really crazy idea). Many said it couldn’t be done in time to travel west, and I had to come to grips with the fact that it probably wouldn’t – unless God would intervene. I’ve never known a building project that didn’t take more time and money than estimated, and this one wasn’t the exception. There were setbacks to the schedule, and then God would send someone to help. There were cost overruns, and then God would provide the funds. Augustine said, “Pray as if it all depends on God, and work as if it all depends on you.” Certainly, there was a plan (sort of), but I had to walk by faith throughout the process. It occurred to me that building the tiny house was a microcosm of our lives. We can certainly work hard, but ultimately, we’ll need to depend upon the Lord to live life well. It’s good to be reminded that we need to walk by faith—and that’s necessary whether your project is big or tiny.

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources can be found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com.

If you’re looking for a resource for your men’s group, consider 4M Training. Mature, master, minister, and mentor in 13 weeks. Click on image below to learn more.

 

Two essentials for developing a spirit of unity in your relationships

Initially, the apostle Peter needed help in his relationships. He was demanding of others, exalted himself, and spoke before he thought.  But over time he changed; he became more like Jesus. Towards the end of his life, he offers five elements that will strengthen our relationships with others. He writes:

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind (I Peter 3:8).

Here’s a working definition of the phrase “unity of mind.”

Unity of mind means to give deliberate consideration to what the other person is thinking – seeking agreement.

Most of us are not nearly active enough when it comes to developing a spirit of unity in our relationships. We tend to believe that if we can avoid the conflict, we have achieved a spirit of unity. But such a position imposes a faux unity; the conflict is still there, simmering just below the surface. If you intend to be deliberate in pursuing unity in your relationships, I recommend the two T’s: teachable and transparent.

 A Teachable Attitude

Each of us has different relationships that require our best communication skills. We have a role in our family, our work environment, our church or community group. While each of these relationships require a different set of communication skills, they do have one thing in common:  we ought to bring a teachable attitude to each situation. The 18th chapter of Proverbs is packed with truths about communication. Here are three ways to spot a teachable attitude in yourself and others.

If you’re teachable, you’ll listen more than you speak.

Proverbs 18:15 states, “An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.” And Proverbs 18:13 adds, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” A teachable spirit is revealed through your listening skills. Train your mind to actively listen to what the other is saying. Let them complete their thought before you share yours.

 If you’re teachable, you won’t interrupt another when they speak.

Proverbs 18:2 reads, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” If you find yourself thinking only about what you will share when the other person takes a breath, there’s a good chance you didn’t come to learn, but to express your own opinion. Simply “expressing your opinion” doesn’t build unity in the relationship but listening well does.

If you’re teachable, you’ll honor the other when you speak.

Proverbs 18:19 reads, “A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.” When you do share your opinion, remember to honor the other person. Don’t intentionally offend. Some people choose to offend as if it’s a badge of honor. They forget that the bars of a castle were meant to keep other’s out.  When you speak, speaking with honor is a means of tearing down the bars, not putting them up—that is how we invite others into the conversation. Speaking with honor includes elements like:

  • Tone — Consider the way you speak. Is there a spirit of anger, frustration, apathy or resign?
  • Pace — Consider how quickly you speak. Are you seeking understanding or just pushing forward your agenda?
  • Content — Consider what you speak about. Are your words carefully chosen to respect the other’s time? Have you left out vital information that would be helpful for them to make an informed decision?
  • Location and timing — Consider when and where you speak? Arguments often ensue in the presence of others. Would you like to be addressed in a public setting? The wrong timing or location can be dishonoring to another.

Transparent Communication

The phrase “unity of mind” comes from the single Greek word homophones meaning “same-minded.”  It is also translated “united in spirit” and “to think the same thing.” We all know of people whose quality of communication is so good that they can finish their partner’s sentence—and actually get it right! Such communication doesn’t just happen. It’s the fruit of consistent and honest sharing. When there isn’t that type of communication it becomes very difficult to be like-minded; because the other party is left to guess what you’re thinking. Assumptions are often made from past experiences that further exacerbate the poor communication.

Most men are greater culprits of this than women. Studies have shown that men speak significantly fewer words than women in a 24-hour day. I have a good friend who will sometimes say to his wife. “I’d love to talk but I’ve used all my words today.” While sharing what we’re thinking may be more difficult for men that it is for women, it is nonetheless essential if relationships are to grow.

Transparent communication is a commitment to speak the truth in love. The apostle Paul warned the church in Ephesus that there was more than one way to lie. He wrote,

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor (Ephesians 4:25)

In what areas of your life do you lack transparency? What critical information are you keeping back from your most important relationships? We should ask ourselves good questions about the motives for such secrecy. Whatever the cause, you will be unable to develop a unified mind with another, if you’re unwilling to share what’s on yours.

As you’re working towards a spirit of unity, remember the two T’s: teachable and transparent. While you’re sharing what’s on your mind, don’t close your mind off to the thoughts of others.

Taken from Learning to Love: biblical strategies for strengthening relationships

Coming in 2019

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources can be found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com.

If you’re looking for a resource for your men’s group, consider 4M Training. Mature, master, minister, and mentor in 13 weeks. Click on image below to learn more.

 

 

 

Dangerous implications of wrong expectations

In sixth grade my parents got me a biology kit. My 12-year-old friends all got chemistry kits, but I think my parents were afraid I might blow up the house so I received a biology kit–complete with shrimp-like creatures, fruit flies, and a frog to dissect. Perhaps you remember dissection from your high school biology class. You cut, you observe, you make notes, and then you start the whole process again.

All relationships come with expectations; whether parent to child, husband to wife, neighbor to neighbor, or employer to employee. Dissecting the expectation helps us understand what’s going on in the heart and how the Spirit of God wants to change it.

Most expectations are unspoken. Like the inside of the frog, nobody knows what’s going on in there unless you open em’ up. So let’s open up the expectation, discover what prompts it and understand the implications. Selfish expecations become a downward spiral. They start with a desire, but unhindered, they will spiral down to bitterness.

A desire becomes a demand.
I think that would make me happy.

A demand gets expressed as a need.
I think I can’t be happy without it.

A perceived need sets up an expectation.
I think if you loved me you’d give it to me.

An expectation leads to disappointment.
I think you don’t really love me.

Disappointment leads to punishment.
I think I’ll make you pay for not loving me.

Punishment leads to bitterness.
I think I’ll never forget how much you hurt me.

These are six progressive steps, and they reveal just how deadly expectations can be to the growth of a relationship. Jesus said,

Even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many (Mark 10:45).

What if our only expectation was the desire that Jesus had developed? We simply expected to serve God and serve others better. We would probably find a plethora of opportunities, and we’d guard our heart from the dangers of selfish, unchecked expecations.

Taken from Fighting the Fire: biblical strategies for overcoming anger

 

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources can be found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com.

If you’re looking for a resource for your men’s group, consider 4M Training. Mature, master, minister, and mentor in 13 weeks. Click on image below to learn more.

Even if there’s pain in your past, there need not be guilt

Whenever I am ministering, I am consciously aware that there are those in the audience whose hidden past is painful beyond words. They are the victims of sexual abuse. Those who have been victims of such crimes often feel guilt and shame. There are questions that haunt them. Could I have told someone? Would they have believed me? Could I have stopped the abuse, even if I was a child? Sometimes these questions further the guilt that the victim struggles with.

In helping victims of sexual abuse I have often turned in my Bible to an obscure passage in the Old Testament. Thousands of years ago the Bible acknowledged that there would be this kind of abuse among mankind. And although God’s plan entailed justice for the offender, He wished to alleviate the guilt of the victim. And so He had Moses record the following words for the young woman (or young man) who had been sexually abused.

You shall do nothing to the young woman, there is in the young woman no sin (Deut. 22:26).

I have watched as tear-filled eyes have fallen upon those words for the first time. Guilt is a hard taskmaster – even when it’s not deserved. But the Bible wishes to clear the abused individual of the guilt that they feel so it uses the phrase no sin.

Do I wish to infer that it is an easy road back for the individual that has suffered abuse? No. There are always emotional scars. Do we grieve with them for the pain they still may feel? Absolutely. But God doesn’t hold the abused individual responsible for sin that was perpetrated upon them, even though they may feel like it. And the Bible makes that clear.

God is not angry with them. He loves them, and is concerned about their future. And such a thought is the beginning of healing for the individual who has carried secrets to painful to talk about for as long as they can remember.

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources can be found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com.

If you’re looking for a resource for your men’s group, consider 4M Training. Mature, master, minister, and mentor in 13 weeks. Click on image below to learn more.

What are you to do when there’s not enough

Not enough. Ever feel that way? You don’t have enough time to get your work done. You don’t have enough money to pay the bills. You don’t have enough skill to get the promotion. You don’t have enough patience to raise your kids without losing your temper. You don’t have enough strength to get through the day. There’s just not enough.

The Hebrew word “El” means “to be strong.” It is often used in combination with other words to communicate that God’s strength is unequalled. This applied truth  provides tremendous help for the one struggling with discouragement or self-pity. Meditating upon the strength of God encourages your heart, and moves your attention away from your personal weakness.  Perhaps this is what Paul meant when he said, “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses . . . For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Dr. C.R. Marsh applies God’s unparalleled strength to his attributes, and comes up with an excellent list for reflection during your prayer time.

  • As to his duration, he is the everlasting God (Gen. 21:33).
  • As to this power, he is the almighty God (Gen. 17:1).
  • As to his exclusiveness, he is the jealous God (Ex. 20:3-5).
  • As to his holiness, he is a consuming fire (Deut. 4:24).
  • As to his pity, he is a merciful God (Deut. 4:31).
  • As to his fidelity, he is a faithful God (Deut. 7:9).
  • As to his vitality, he is the living God (Josh. 3:10).
  • As to his greatness, he is the awesome God (Neh. 1:5).
  • As to his compassion, he is the gracious God (Jonah 4:2)

Taken from All the Divine Names and Titles in the Bible, Herbert Lockyer, p. 8

Choose one of the italicized words, and shape your personal praise to God around that attribute. Then, dwell upon God’s strength in that area throughout the day. As you face challenges, remember to concentrate on God’s strength, not your weakness. You may not be enough, but God is.

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources can be found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com.

If you’re looking for a resource for your men’s group, consider 4M Training. Mature, master, minister, and mentor in 13 weeks. Click on image below to learn more.

 

How should we respond when desires go unmet?

The Old Testament Israelites did their graduate training in the wilderness for 40 years. Perhaps they could have finished earlier, but they kept retaking the same class: Contentment 101.  Moses gives us a peek into their course work in Deuteronomy 8.

Yes, he humbled you by letting you go hungry and then feeding you with manna, a food previously unknown to you and your ancestors. He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone; rather, we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord (Deut. 8:3, NLT)

Reading that passage recently I was drawn to the phrase “by letting you go hungry.” God let them hunger that they might learn to look to him and have their deepest longings met through him. There is something more to live for than to silence your stomach’s growling.

I have desires that are unmet. I’m betting you do too. What if the Israelites had learned to view their unsatisfied desires as opportunities to turn to God and trust him? Imagine this conversation:

“Why am I hungry, Mamma?” the little boy’s voice pierced the darkness.

His mother sighed. “Yahweh has provided manna for us; it comes from God’s very hand.”

“But I’m tired of manna. It’s all we ever have, and it’s not very filling.”

“You sound just like your father, always wanting what you do not have.”

What if, instead of complaining, the Jewish father had taught his son that man does not live by bread alone? What if the son had seen a smile of knowing contentment on his father’s face even though the unmet desires remained? What if my sons heard in their dad’s voice the simple confidence that God knows best? What if they could never remember their father complaining? Unfortunately, they can’t say that. But, by God’s grace, I can change that. So can you.

What if God has withheld from you the very thing you desire the most so that you might find your satisfaction in him alone? That’s the way you pass Contentment 101 even if you still have those nagging hunger pains.

If you can’t be content with what you have, you’ll never be content with what you want.

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources can be found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com.

If you’re looking for a resource for your men’s group, consider 4M Training. Mature, master, minister, and mentor in 13 weeks. Click on image below to learn more.

 

What we can learn from the submission of Jesus

Imagine the perfect man submitting to imperfect authorities. Jesus purposed to do this because of his strong confidence in the sovereignty of his Father. This confidence is best revealed in the most preposterous of all trials. On the eve of his crucifixion, Jesus will undergo six trials—three of them Jewish and three of them Roman. As he stood before Pontius Pilate, Jesus kept silent in the face of the accusations that were brought against him. In that setting, Pilate asks Jesus a question.

So Pilate said to him, “You will not speak to me? Do you not know that I have authority to release you and authority to crucify you?” Jesus answered him, “You would have no authority over me at all unless it had been given you from above. Therefore he who delivered me over to you has the greater sin.”  From then on Pilate sought to release him. . . (John 19:10-12).

This is a remarkable look into the mind of our Lord. He specifically states that Pilate’s authority is God derived. Pilate assumed his power had been given him from the Roman authorities. Jesus’ statement must have unnerved him. It should not come as a surprise that from that point on Pilate does all he can to release Jesus.

When Pilate’s temporary resolve to do the right thing buckles under the Sanhedrin’s pressure, Jesus’ confidence in his Father’s will does not. This is a good reminder of the importance of submitting to our imperfect human authorities even when their interests are so self-serving.

In God’s plan, he uses Pilate’s weakness and the religious leaders’ jealousy to declare Jesus innocence while still insisting upon his crucifixion. Both of these elements were necessary in the plan of God in order that everyone might know that an innocent man had died in the place of the guilty (2 Cor. 5:21). Nine times in the gospel record Pilate will declare Jesus without guilt prior to his pronouncement of the death sentence (Matthew 27:24; Mark 15:14; Luke 23:4, 14, 15, 22; John 19:4, 6, 12). Pilate’s weak leadership, without him even being aware of it, is actually used by God to accomplish God’s sovereign will in the life of Jesus. While the outcome of the trials is preposterous—how could one declare a man’s innocence nine times and then call for his execution? The functionof the trials is not—they declare a man innocent of his own crimes in order that his punishment may be put to a guilty party’s account. This is exactly what Isaiah prophesied 700 years prior to Jesus crucifixion,

But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed (Isaiah 53:5).

As Jesus submitted to his imperfect human authorities, he developed a deeper confidence in his Father’s sovereign will. Therefore, when he comes to the pivotal moment of choice in the Garden of Gethsemane, he submits to his Father’s will with joy (Heb. 12:2). Note the lifelong progression: (1) as a young boy, Jesus submitted to his parents, who, while imperfect had his best interest in view, (2) as a grown man, Jesus submitted to the governing authorities who were indifferent to his plight or condition,  (3) finally, Jesus submitted to those leaders who were opposed to his ministry and would be responsible for taking his life. Their intentions were self-serving and fueled by jealousy (John 11:47-50; 19:11). Still, Jesus grew in his ability to submit to imperfect human authorities by taking his eyes off of their imperfections, and placing them on his heavenly Father’s perfections. It was His Father’s will Jesus wanted to do, whatever the cost.

You and I will not go very far understanding submission unless we grasp the truth that Jesus did: there is a hand we cannot see guiding the hands of those we can. Because Jesus spent a life time practicing this truth he was prepared to answer Pilate’s weak but abusive authority on the day of his crucifixion (John 19:10-11). He said to Pilate, “You would have no authority over me at all unless it had been given you from above
 (John 19:11).

Jesus got it. In his humility, he understood that God was able to use imperfect authorities to accomplish his will in one’s life. He not only submitted, but he did so with a humble spirit and a right attitude (Phil. 2:5, NASV).

Think about the authorities God has placed over you. How are you responding to them? When others around you complain about their leaders, what do you say? Do you join in or show a sweet spirit of submission? Is your attitude one of respect even when those in authority might be disrespectful? Simply remember the example of Jesus before you respond or react.

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources can be found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com.

If you’re looking for a resource for your men’s group, consider 4M Training. Mature, master, minister, and mentor in 13 weeks. Click on image below to learn more.

3 diagnostic questions when you feel underappreciated

The Christian life is about serving others. Jesus both exemplified that and encouraged it. But sometimes it’s hard to serve others. We can feel like they’re taking us for granted. Or that we care more about them than they care about us. It’s easy to feel discouraged in that kind of scenario and give up on the effort to put others first. When we do so, we miss out on God’s best for us (Mk. 10:44-45). Here are three diagnostic questions I try to ask myself when I feel underappreciated.

#1 Do you talk over the offense with others more than you take it to God?

When King David’s son pulled a coup, and took over his father’s kingdom, David found himself on the run. His closest counselor, Ahithophel, sided with his son and counseled against David. David responded in a prayer to the Lord

All who hate me whisper together about me; they imagine the worst for me. . . Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me. But you, O LORD, be gracious to me, and raise me up (Psa. 41:9-13).

When we feel underappreciated, its easy to talk to others (or to ourselves) about how we’ve been mistreated. While David is transparent about his disappointment and hurt, he takes his complaint directly to the Lord not to others.

# 2 Do you find that you think about the offense more than the opportunity to serve?

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross (Phil. 2:5-8).

Jesus focused on serving others even when the cross appeared on the horizon. Underappreciation can cause us to think about the offense more than the opportunity to serve. That subtle shift in focus will start a downward spiral that will move us away from serving others towards selfish living.

#3 Do you sense your spirit drawn to complaining more than to gratitude?

The best way to maintain a servant spirit is to remain forever grateful for how the Lord has served us. Ponder this: the one who powerfully created the 12 planets in our solar system, picked up the basin and towel and washed the feet of 12 prideful disciples here on earth. Miraculously, he does both tasks and never utters a word of complaint.

Paul captures life’s ongoing challenges in his letter to the Corinthians,

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies (2 Cor. 4:7-10).

He goes on to add where our focus should be,

So, we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen (2 Cor. 4:16-18).

Even in great difficulty we can still be grateful for God’s work on our behalf. And as our gratitude grows, so will our desire to serve others—even if we feel underappreciated.

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources can be found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com.

If you’re looking for a resource for your men’s group, consider 4M Training. Mature, master, minister, and mentor in 13 weeks. Click on image below to learn more.

 

3 ways to maintain joy in difficult relationships

For the person who struggles to be consistently joyful, the phrase “rejoice always” (Phil. 4:4) is more than a bit troubling. It serves as a stark reminder that we are to be joyful in the midst of difficult circumstances and difficult relationships. I have to admit my joy tends to rise or fall with other’s perceptions of me. If they’re happy with me, then I’m happy. When they’re disappointed in me, my emotions tend to tank. True joy must be drawn from a deeper well than our superficial understanding of what people think about us.

The apostle Paul certainly had his share of difficult circumstances, yet 16 times in the book of Philippians he mentions the word “joy.” In the opening paragraph to the Philippians, Paul gives us three words that inspire us to be joyful in difficult relationships: serve, pray, and encourage.

SERVE: Joy is discovered when our determination to serve overcomes our sense of entitlement.

It is natural to make an investment in relationships with the hope of something in return, but Paul gives us a different motive. He introduces himself as a servant of Jesus Christ (Phil. 1:1). Learning to be a servant is key to experiencing joy in our most difficult relationships. As we ultimately serve the Lord Jesus, we are no longer dependent on other’s responses as our source of joy; our primary objective becomes faithfulness in his service (1 Cor. 4:2). Note the number of biblical characters who took on the title “servant” of the Lord:

  • Moses (Deut. 34:5)
  • Joshua (Josh. 24:29)
  • David (2 Sam. 3;18)
  • James (Jam. 1:1)
  • Jude (Jude vs. 1).

William Barclay adds this insightful comment,

Strange as it seems, it was a title of humiliation which the greatest men took with honor.

As the popularity of John the Baptist’s ministry began to wane, he responded,

Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:29-30).

PRAY: Joy is developed as we pray with thankfulness for the relationship we have through Jesus.

Notice the spirit of thankfulness that fuels the prayers of Paul. He writes, “I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy (Phil. 1:3-4).  Recently, I stumbled upon a personal note from one of my mentors. He wrote, “My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude when I think back to time spent with my students.” Significantly, he penned that note to me in the final stages of his battle with cancer. Circumstances that should have pressed joy out of a person’s life were no match for praying with a thankful spirit for those he had invested in.

ENCOURAGE: Joy is sustained when we speak of the work that God has yet to do in our friend’s life.

Paul pens one of his most quoted verses as a means of encouragement to the church in Philippi. He writes,

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ (Phi. 1:6).

Notice the way that Paul brings encouragement to the listener. He doesn’t say, “Don’t worry. Be happy.” Instead, he points to God’s work in their past, and assures them of God’s work in their future. Another way to say this is: God started it. God will complete it. You’re just in the hard-in-between-time now.

Without question, Paul had difficult circumstances and difficult people to deal with. Still, he found joy in his relationships when he remembered to serve, pray, and encourage. May we do likewise.

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources can be found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com.

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