3 diagnostic questions when you feel underappreciated

The Christian life is about serving others. Jesus both exemplified that and encouraged it. But sometimes it’s hard to serve others. We can feel like they’re taking us for granted. Or that we care more about them than they care about us. It’s easy to feel discouraged in that kind of scenario and give up on the effort to put others first. When we do so, we miss out on God’s best for us (Mk. 10:44-45). Here are three diagnostic questions I try to ask myself when I feel underappreciated.

#1 Do you talk over the offense with others more than you take it to God?

When King David’s son pulled a coup, and took over his father’s kingdom, David found himself on the run. His closest counselor, Ahithophel, sided with his son and counseled against David. David responded in a prayer to the Lord

All who hate me whisper together about me; they imagine the worst for me. . . Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me. But you, O LORD, be gracious to me, and raise me up (Psa. 41:9-13).

When we feel underappreciated, its easy to talk to others (or to ourselves) about how we’ve been mistreated. While David is transparent about his disappointment and hurt, he takes his complaint directly to the Lord not to others.

# 2 Do you find that you think about the offense more than the opportunity to serve?

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross (Phil. 2:5-8).

Jesus focused on serving others even when the cross appeared on the horizon. Underappreciation can cause us to think about the offense more than the opportunity to serve. That subtle shift in focus will start a downward spiral that will move us away from serving others towards selfish living.

#3 Do you sense your spirit drawn to complaining more than to gratitude?

The best way to maintain a servant spirit is to remain forever grateful for how the Lord has served us. Ponder this: the one who powerfully created the 12 planets in our solar system, picked up the basin and towel and washed the feet of 12 prideful disciples here on earth. Miraculously, he does both tasks and never utters a word of complaint.

Paul captures life’s ongoing challenges in his letter to the Corinthians,

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies (2 Cor. 4:7-10).

He goes on to add where our focus should be,

So, we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen (2 Cor. 4:16-18).

Even in great difficulty we can still be grateful for God’s work on our behalf. And as our gratitude grows, so will our desire to serve others—even if we feel underappreciated.

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources can be found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com.

If you’re looking for a resource for your men’s group, consider 4M Training. Mature, master, minister, and mentor in 13 weeks. Click on image below to learn more.