Learning to be Content when Everyone is Discontent

Contentment. The word evokes images of quiet weekends with your work all behind you. But contentment isn’t simply a result of perfect circumstances. It might surprise you to know that contentment is a state of mind that can be learned. The apostle Paul writes,

for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:11-13).

Paul learned contentment by shifting his desire for more to a growing desire for Christ.

One of the challenges to contentment in the Western world is the addictive nature of things. I like to call this malady thingishness – we just desire more things.

Just look at these numbers:1

  • 300,000 is the number of items in the average American home.
  • Since 1965 the size of the average American home has tripled.
  • 32% of people with 2 car garages have room for only 1 car in the garage, because the garage is filled with their things.
  • 1 out of every 10 Americans rents off-sight storage because their homes can’t contain all their stuff. 50,000 is the number of off-site storage facilities in the United States.
  • 238 is the number of toys the average 10-year old owns (but he plays with only 12 daily).
  • 93% of teenage girls rank shopping as their favorite pastime (there are more shopping malls than high schools in the US).
  • 3,680 is the number of hours you will spend looking for your lost items over your lifetime.

One of the great dangers of thingishness is that while we always want more things, rarely do we want more of God. The Psalmist said,

As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs after you (Ps. 42:1).

Paul said,

I have learned…I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:12-13).

Thingishness is a subtle dissatisfaction. Without realizing it, the more you have, the more you’ll want. And if you can’t be content with what you have, you’ll never be content with what you want.

1 Statistics discovered at www.becomingminimalist.com

 

Battling Addictions with the Resources Jesus Used

I was recently invited to share some thoughts at the Annual Addiction Victorious Dinner in South Jersey. It was a joy to share with those who had battled addictions, were in the midst of the battle, or were helping others in the battle. We looked at four resources Jesus used to battle his temptations. The writer of Hebrews says, “He was tempted in all ways as we are yet without sin.” Regardless of the temptations you face, these same resources are effective today. Jesus depended upon: the Word of God, the will of God, the love of God and the glory of God. Feel free to watch and share the 25 minute video with others as an encouragement.

The Word of God is our weapon. When the Devil tempted Jesus in the wilderness, Jesus did not argue, nor did he attempt to reason his way out of the challenge. He simply responded, “It is written…” By answering with the truth of the memorized Word, Jesus repudiated the lies that the Devil was offering.

The Will of God is our purpose. Jesus modeled such a sweet spirit of submission in the Garden of Gethsemane. Under incredible emotional duress he responded, “Not my will, but yours be done.” The battle with temptation is volitional. Sooner or later it attacks our will to choose. Jesus submitted his will to the Father.

The Love of God is our comfort. As Jesus draws nearer to the cross, he reflects more often on the way his heavenly Father loves him. He elevates this affirmation of the Father’s love over the circumstances he is facing.

The Glory of God is our intention. As Jesus nears his crucifixion, he cries, “Shall I say save me from this hour? No! For this reason, I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name.” When Jesus was tempted, he didn’t intend to fulfill what he desired. He made his intention the Glory of God. If our desire for personal gratification surpasses our desire for the glory of God, we will be unable to stand against temptation.

Whatever your temptation or addiction, the resources Jesus used do not condemn you. They are your means to being victorious in the battle.

The simple (but not easy) process of disciplining your mind for sexual purity

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus raised the bar on all sorts of issues: anger, anxiety, love, prayer, and giving to name a few. But when he raised the bar on sexual temptation, he must have caused more than a few jaws to drop. Look at what he said:

You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

Undoubtedly, there were those who heard Jesus’ words that day who had not committed the act of adultery, but it’s doubtful that there were many who hadn’t thought about it. Jesus singled out adulterous thoughts as the culprit. He knew that every sexual action was first preceded by a desire, and each desire was fueled by thoughts. Because we are moral creatures endowed with a choice, our thoughts don’t just happen unconsciously—we choose what we think about. Granted, those thoughts can happen so quickly that we forget they are choices—particularly when they are repeated thoughts we have previously dwelled upon. They begin to feel instinctive, like the base sensations other creatures in the animal kingdom experience. But man is different than the animals. As moral creatures, we choose to dwell on certain thoughts that are either right or wrong.

So how do you drive those habitual, sinful thoughts from your mind? In his book How to Say No to a Stubborn Habit, Erwin Lutzer writes the following:

Try this simple experiment. Think of the number eight. Have you visualized it? If so, exercise your willpower and stop thinking of the number eight right now.

Were you able to do it? Of course not. At least, I’m still thinking about that number. Can we, by sheer willpower, stop thinking about the number eight? By no means. Trying to push it out of our minds actually causes us to focus our attention on it.

What a picture of us when we try to overcome sin. We may get on our knees and ask God to take the desire away; we then determine not to think those lurid or greedy thoughts, but there they are again. We resist them once more, trying desperately to push them out of our minds. But we are trapped. Try as we might, we just can’t get them to budge.

Can we really be free? Yes, we can control those thoughts, but not by trying to stop thinking about them! To simply resist evil is to make it grow stronger. Our determination not to think lustful thoughts only reinforces them in our thought patterns.

How, then, can we be free? Let’s return to our experiment once more and think of the number eight. Although we can’t stop thinking about it by sheer resistance, we can push that number out of our minds quite easily. Here’s how: Think about one or two bits of information about your mother. Reminisce about your place in the family, whether you are still connected with it or disconnected. Concentrate on this new information, and you’ll stop thinking of the number eight.

God gave us a new paradigm of thoughts to press out the old ones. We find it in Philippians 4:8:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things […] and the God of peace will be with you [emphasis added].

This passage provides an excellent replacement list for your thinking. You now have eight new qualities to dwell upon that can replace their sinful antitheses. It’s simple, but not easy. However, I have found that the more that I practice that process, the easier it becomes.

Taken from Strength for the Struggle: biblical strategies for standing against sexual temptation. Available on Amazon.com

 

An Interview with Andy Erwin of I Can Only Imagine

The movie I Can Only Imagine has become one of the surprise hits of the year. It’s now in its third week of firmly holding on to its top-five box office status – making it the envy of much larger studios. Last summer I sat down with Andy Erwin who co-directed the movie with his brother, John. Andy had great insights into fame, the glory of God, and authenticity in relationships. His interview, as well as others, is included in 4M Training: a unique approach to spiritual growth for men. My favorite Andy Erwin quote is

The greater the fame, the greater the insecurity.

I’m devoting today’s post to that interview. As men, most of us struggle with the desire for other’s approval. In our middle school years, we start to pay attention to the kids who are the most popular. In our adult years, this morphs into what our boss thinks of us and the work that we do. It’s easier for us to find our self-worth in the conversations others have about us than in the love God showed to us.

Andy and his brother John are storytellers in film. Their commitment to their craft continues to earn them high praise in the film making industry.

4M Training: You have shared that in the entertainment field “the greater the fame the greater the insecurity.” Why do you think that is?

Andy Erwin: I think that fame breeds insecurity – because we weren’t designed for that kind of glory, God was. It’s like the story of the Lord of the Rings. Each of the characters takes the ring believing it has such great potential for good, but before long they’re over in the corner caressing the ring and calling it precious. It corrupts them from within. That’s what fame is like when it’s pursued. When someone looks to fame to validate them as person, it destroys them from the inside out. They don’t become more secure, they become more insecure. It’s important to remember the difference between God’s character and our designs. We weren’t designed to receive the glory, but rather to reflect it back to God. There’s something about the entertainment industry that’s seductive. It promises what it can’t deliver, but before you know it, you’ve gone and drank the Kool-Aid.  I remember in our second film premier, the limo pulled up to the red carpet. They opened the door, there were all these flashes of light, and I had this empty feeling. Like I expected it to feel better than that. Fame promises that it will feel better – the next time. Then I looked around and realized that everyone struggled with insecurity, no matter who they were. The best answer is to not try to hold on to the attention, but to release it back to God. Give him the glory for how he’s used you. Don’t try to keep it for yourself.

4M Training: You’ve said that one of your core values as a filmmaker is authenticity.  Why is that important, and how do you maintain that quality with your family?

Andy Erwin: As men, we fear vulnerability, so it’s hard to be authentic. This goes all the way back to the fall of man. When Adam sinned, he could have taken the responsibility, but the first thing he did was throw Eve under the bus. We can’t be vulnerable, because we fear looking incompetent. We can’t be authentic because we’re too busy pretending like we have it all together. I find that we tend to edit out the struggle, and then our lives are nothing more than propaganda. Thankfully, I have a number of men in my life who call me to repentance, and a wife that comes along side me to help me see the gospel every day. As I lead with vulnerability, it makes it easier for her to be vulnerable, and together we can model that for the kids.  As men, one of the things we try to do is fix it, but I’m learning to be thankful that God is growing me a bit more every day.

4M Training is a 13-week, small group study for men. You can learn more about the unique approach of 4M Training here.

 

A Reflection for Good Friday

As Good Friday nears, I’ve been thinking about some of the items associated with the weekend, and their significance.  Reflect with me on the crown of thorns, the hammer and nails, and the dice the soldiers rolled for the robe of Christ.

The Crown of Thorns speaks of mockery.

They dressed him in a purple robe, and they wove thorn branches into a crown and put it on his head. Then they saluted him and taunted, “Hail! King of the Jews!” And they struck him on the head with a reed stick, spit on him, and dropped to their knees in mock worship (Mark 16:16-19).

A crown was typically presented to identify royalty. The presentation itself would be known as a coronation, with honor and prestige a part of the ceremony. But the boredom of the soldiers was too much on this night. Better to poke a little fun at whatever prisoner Pilate might send their way. They cut thorn branches from the briars, wove them together and pressed them on the head of Christ. Using a stick, they drove the thorns into his scalp. Then laughing, they fell to their knees and feigned their worship. The very act that will be repeated throughout all eternity was here ridiculed and derided, repeatedly. Jesus, resolved to finish his mission, did not retaliate, but bowed his head humbly and endured.

The Hammer and Nails speak of cruelty.

And they brought Jesus to a place called Golgotha … Then the soldiers nailed him to the cross (Mark 15:22-24).

When we wish to put something in place so that it cannot move, we affix it with nail. In our world, hammers and nails are used on things, not people. But, the hammer and nails in a crucifixion were meant to affix a man to his suffering and his public shame. He would not be coming down from the cross until the life had passed out of him. As a detriment to slaves’ rebellion, Roman crucifixion was intended to be public, painful, and to certify death at the end of the process. The Romans weren’t the first to come up with crucifixion, but they do get the credit for mastering its cruelty. Before a crucifixion was over, you would long for the sword or dagger. In crucifixion you suffocated slowly and surely.  All the while, the nails wouldn’t let you go. For the average criminal, the nails held him in place. Not so with Jesus. The nails didn’t keep him on the cross, his love for mankind did. But they were a reminder that how we often treat our fellow human beings is punctuated with cruelty, not kindness.

The Rolling of the Dice speaks of apathy.

When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they divided his clothes among the four of them. They also took his robe, but it was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom. So, they said, “Rather than tearing it apart, let’s throw dice for it.” This fulfilled the Scripture that says, “They divided my garments among themselves and threw dice for my clothing.” So that is what they did (John 19:23-24).

The soldiers who drew the duty to watch prisoners die on a cross, were always looking for something to pass the time. While we might be tempted to play cards when we’re bored, they rolled the dice. On this day, they could have cast a sympathetic eye towards the crucified or offered an empathetic hand toward his mother standing nearby.  But they eyed the robe that had been taken off Christ before he was nailed to the cross. It was without seam or tear. It would make the perfect prize for the games they normally played to make their day pass a little faster. The word apathy means, “I don’t care.” They are unaware of the man’s suffering above them, or his mother’s pain alongside of them. The thing they desire is more important that the person that is dying. In Jesus’ act of dying he is saying, “I care about you.” By the soldier’s rolling the dice they are saying, “We could care less.”

On Good Friday, the best that mankind could muster was mockery, cruelty, and apathy. Fortunately, God chose to manifest something far better:

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8).

 

 

3 Ways to be Joyful During Difficulty

We live in dangerous times, but then I’m not telling you anything you don’t know already. School shootings, once rare, now happen with regularity. Bombings, that once happened elsewhere, now occur from Boston to Austin. Your news feed fills up with these alarming events within moments of their occurrence.

The apostle Paul wrote to people in Macedonia during troubling times. His words feel incongruent with the events of those days when he says:

Rejoice always and again I say rejoice.

Before you imagine Paul writing from some sea-side resort on the Mediterranean, remember that he penned these words from a Roman prison in house arrest. I’ve visited prisons, but I’ve never spent the night. The sound of the steel door dead-bolt-locking behind me is always a reminder that I still have my freedom, while the inmates I visited do not. As I return to my home, they return to their prison cell. Paul wrote about rejoicing from a prison cell. Here are three ways that you can rejoice in difficulty.

Be grateful for your friends more than your circumstances.

Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with JOY, for you have been my partners in spreading the Good News about Christ from the time you first heard it until now (Phil. 1:4-6)

No bitterness here. Paul prays for his friends with a heart full of joy. Later in the letter he would pray that God would supply their needs (Phil. 4:19). Notice he said needs, not wants. These friends had given from their poverty. A smile creases his aging face as he remembers his friends and their partnership in the gospel.

Develop a love for serving others more than self.

I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live. Knowing this, I am convinced that I will remain alive, so I can continue to help all of you grow and experience the JOY of your faith (Phil. 1:23-25).

Paul’s body was worn out. He’d been beaten and left for dead. Shipwrecked and bitten by a poisonous viper. Lashed with a cat-of-nine-tails. Abandoned by close friends. Prisons were his common residence. It’s no wonder that heaven seemed a better option. But, he desires to serve others more than self. He doesn’t say I’m staying with you out of obligation. He finds joy in serving them and watching them experience the growth and joy of their faith.

Invest in people more than things.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stay true to the Lord. I love you and long to see you, dear friends, for you are my JOY and the crown I receive for my work (Phil. 4:1)

When I get discouraged, I have found nothing quite lifts my spirits like remembering people I invested it. While not all have gone on living for the Lord, many have. I marvel at their courage in the crisis, their diligence in the difficulty, and their faith when confronted with fear. While investing in things will leave you empty, investing in people will always bring a sense of joy, both to you and to them.

How the Average Man can Minister to Others

When Jesus was asked a question about what real love looked like, he answered with the story of the Good Samaritan. There was a man who was beaten, robbed and left to die. A priest and a Levite – two religious men – saw his condition but ignored him. Apparently, they had other things to do. But help came from someone else. Jesus added, “But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion.” He may have been an average man, but there was nothing average about the way that he cared. He bound the victim’s wounds, gave him a ride to the nearest inn, and promised to pay all expenses. Think of it: for nearly 2,000 years, when someone does an unexpected good deed we refer to him as a Good Samaritan – such is the lasting power of deeds of kindness expressed by the average man.

  • I had a friend who worked in Philadelphia, who used to buy two sandwiches at lunch time, simply so that he could sit with a homeless person and have a conversation with him during his lunch break.
  • On more than one occasion, I’ve waited for the bill after dinner only to find out it had been paid for by someone else in the restaurant – anonymously.
  • Sometimes when it snows, I’ve taken my boys to shovel out driveways of the elderly or widow.
  • I have friends who support multiple impoverished children though Compassion International. They’ve even visited several to these kids in Uganda.

Whether large or small, compassion grows in the heart of the person who, like the Good Samaritan, sees the needs of others. Perhaps we would do well to take our eyes off our agenda for the day, so that we could see the needs of those around us. In that way, our hearts will be moved with compassion, and we will find that we are compelled to act. Don’t move through your week, look for ways to minister during your week. While you still may think of yourself as average, your acts of kindness won’t be.

How the Average Man can Master Key Habits

I have a friend who served as a Marine. One of his requirements was to disassemble, clean, and reassemble his weapon in the dark. I have another friend who served as a Captain in the 101st Airborne. In his training, he was flipped upside down in a submerged tank and told to find his way out blindfolded. Our military routinely trains for life and death scenarios, until the training becomes a life-saving habit.

The Bible warns us that

We do not wrestle against flesh and blood…but against the spiritual forces of evil in heavenly places” (Eph. 6:12).

Yet, most of the men I know haven’t really trained spiritually like my military friends. Although our spiritual struggle is also a matter of life and death, we tend to be pretty nonchalant in our spiritual preparations.

Here are three habits that will help you stand against the temptations you regularly face and prepare for a crisis in your future.
1-Daily Bible Reading: Your time in the Word is the means through which God speaks to you. In an information saturated society, filled with instant news, advertising appeals, and non-stop opportunities with social media, daily Bible reading refocuses our priorities. Just this morning I was reminded of a task I should do, while reading, of all things, the book of Leviticus.

2-Daily Prayer: Jesus prayed early (Mark 1:35), prayed late (Luke 6:12), and prayed even when didn’t get the answer he desired (Mark 14:36). He challenged us to pray for our daily bread (Mat. 11:4), as if to assume we would never go more than 24 hours without praying.

3-Scripture Retrieval: The ability to pull out a memorized portion of Scripture is essential to hold off temptation. Don Whitney writes,

Imagine yourself struggling with a difficult temptation and needing victory. The Holy Spirit rushes to your mental arsenal, flings open the door, but all he finds is John 3:16 or Genesis 1:1. Those are great swords, but they’re not made for every battle.

These three elements are essential for our spiritual growth, and the average man can do them. However, they must be done consistently to become a life-saving and life-giving habit. Do you have a plan in place to master these essential habits? Do you have the kind of relationships that will provide the accountability necessary to develop them?

To master these key habits for your spiritual life visit 4MTraining.com.

How the Average Man can Mature in his Faith

A friend of mine was fond of saying, “What the world needs is average men with above average desire.” Let’s face it, most of us are average, but that doesn’t mean that our desire to grow in our faith needs to be.

The word mature means to be complete in our natural growth and development. When we apply this word to our faith, it communicates that our faith can endure difficult times and remain unshaken. Most men I know admire that quality in others but are unable to imagine it for themselves.  In this era, the Christian man must know two things: what the Bible says and how to live it out. Yet most men that I talk to would be hard-pressed to know what the Bible says about their problems without the aid of Google or Siri. If that was the standard of spiritual maturity, our 12-year old could probably access the truth more quickly than we could. Genuine spiritual maturity requires that you know the Biblical passage, understand its implications and can make wise decisions considering its truth.

4M Training introduces men to the key Biblical passages in such areas as anxiety, procrastination, self-pity, sexual temptation, anger, contentment, and relationships. In 13 lessons, you’ll not only gain an understanding of how these Bible passages are applied to your life, but you’ll be shown how to put them into practice. With the added accountability of a few other men in the small group setting, you’ll begin to see victory in areas where previously failure had been the pattern.

The apostle Paul encouraged change in his followers by asking them to remember the things they had “seen and learned” in him (Phil. 4:9). Godly examples aid us in the process of our own spiritual maturity. 4M Training Manual ($14.95 on Amazon) includes interviews with Philadelphia Eagle’s Carson Wentz on Faith, Study Bible author Gene Getz on Bible Study, prayer strategist Daniel Henderson on prayer, film director Andy Erwin on self-pity and fame, biblical counselor Lou Priolo on anger, and violin-virtuoso Austin Hartman on relationships. These men offer unique insights into how they were able to live out key biblical principles as they matured in their faith.

If you see the need to mature in your faith, we encourage you to check out 4M Training for Men and get started today.

4M Training for Men is Now Available

4M Training is a unique approach to spiritual growth for men. Here are some exerts from a few of our 4M Training exclusives with Carson Wentz, Gene Getz, Daniel Henderson, Andy Erwin, Lou Priolo, Nicolas Ellen, and Austin Hartman.

The thirteen-lesson manual includes: lesson notes, small group accountability page, weekly Quiet-Time pages, prayer journal, small group leader notes, multiple interviews, over 100 thought-provoking quotations, and a 20-card Scripture Retrieval Pack. Available now  at 

In 13 weeks, you can MATURE in your faith, MASTER key habits, MINISTER inside & out, and MENTOR the next generation. Learn more about 4M Training for Men at 

 

Carson Wentz —  NFL Quarterback — on Faith:

I know for me—as a kid—anything that I did I was going to work my tail off to earn what I got. That’s how the world instills this value: work, work, work, and earn it. But, Christianity is the only religion in the world where you can’t earn heaven. Jesus already did it. And this is what Paul is saying, “It is by grace alone you’ve been saved…”

 

Gene Getz — Christian Leader and Author — on Bible Study:

I look carefully at the text itself. Then, I look at the immediate context–and even beyond that in terms of the content in the total book. I also consider the whole redemptive story of the Bible. I then look at several good commentaries. This was my approach in discovering “Principles to Live By” in my Life Essentials Study Bible.

 

Daniel Henderson — International Leader of the Prayer Movement — on Praying:

Desperation can come through crisis or cultivation. I’ve sought to cultivate that desperation by focusing first on God’s worthiness. When I’ve done so, I have  found it far easier to see my neediness. Just like the first half of the Lord’s prayer is about God (who is worthy) and the second half is about man (who is needy).

 

Andy Erwin — Movie Producer/Director of I Can Only Imagine — on Fame:

I think that fame actually breeds insecurity – because we weren’t designed for that kind of glory, God was. It’s like the story of the Lord of the Rings. Each of the characters takes the ring believing it has such great potential for good, but before long they’re over in the corner caressing the ring and calling it precious. It corrupts them from within.

 

Lou Priolo — Counselor and Author — on Anger:

The most important thing to do is to make sure that when he does express anger in a sinful way, he quickly and thoroughly goes back and confesses it and asks for forgiveness. Another thing he can do, with the older children, is to ask them to hold him accountable, providing of course they can do it respectfully.

 

Austin Hartman — Violin Virtuoso — on Communication

What I have learned as a chamber musician is that I need to always be honing the way I speak to my colleagues. Because musical expression is so personal and deeply felt, it is important when speaking that I strike a delicate balance of showcasing respect for my colleagues’ artistry while also being direct and honest when making areas of weakness stronger.

 

Nicolas Ellen — Professor, Pastor, Counselor and Author — on Contentment

Enjoy the good that God allows. Be satisfied with the good things that God brings into your life that are beyond your control. The Bible says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (Jam. 1:17). Don’t get so busy looking at what you don’t have that you’re missing what you have been given. Enjoy it fully. Rejoice in the goodness of God.