Why humility and self-pity can’t mix

It actually appears that a bad case of self-pity brought it on. You see, Jonah wanted the Ninevites destroyed, but God granted them a stay of execution. When you’re the judge and you have a gracious heart, such action is appropriate (Ps 100:5). But Jonah desperately wanted them punished.  Wanted is the key word here.  When we struggle with self – pity, it is always our unmet desires that push the door open. Before long, no matter how hard we try, we can’t get the focus off of ourselves.

Self pity says, “I believe that something I wanted and deserved was unfairly keptfrom me” (Jonah 4:1).

This is where Jonah finds himself. He believes he deserves to see the Ninevites’ destruction. With the destruction of nearly 50 Jewish cities on the Ninevite resume, Jonah figures they had it coming. Notice Jonah’s words when God backs off on the initial plans for destruction.

But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was angry. And he prayed to the Lord and said, “O Lord, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country? . . . for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love” (Jonah 4:1-2).

Jonah believed that something he wanted and deserved was unfairly kept from him. Think about the word deserved. Did Jonah really deserve to see their destruction? Was he really given the role of both judge and jury?  Had God called him to  prophesy the message and mete out the justice too? The after-effects of a bout with self-pity are anger and the controlling of others.

Because self-pity has its underpinnings in pride its helpful to contrast it with humility. The change of words in the definitions is subtle but essential.

Humility says, “I believe that something I didn’t want, but deserved was graciously kept from me” (1 Cor. 15:9-10).

Rather than defend one’s rights, humility acknowledges one’s wrongdoing. Jonah couldn’t get his eyes of the Ninevite’s wrong doing long enough to see his own.  He knew the true and living God in a way the people of Ninevah did not, and yet–with such knowledge–he had chosen to directly disobey God’s command.  Once the Ninevites had repented of their sins, it was Jonah who was in need of God’s judgement, not them.

Paul models how each of us should see our own sin when he writes,

For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace towards me was not in vain. (1 Cor. 15:9-10).

Because humility believes it doesn’t deserve God’s grace and forgiveness, its after-effects are gratitude and service to others.

I don’t want the last chapter of my life to read like Jonah’s stuck-on-the-mountain angry attitude. I want my final chapter to read like Paul’s–free, though in prison, and thankful for God’s grace.  I’m betting you do too.

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources are found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com. Consider booking Phil for your next conference or retreat.