The Value of Humility in our Relationships

No one ever modeled humility the way Jesus did. The Bible teaches that he left heaven, took on the form of a servant and willingly chose to die in the place of sinners. We often speak of Jesus’ love for us, but when that love is juxtaposed against our rejection of him, his humility comes into sharper focus. This is the truth we find in the second chapter of Philippians.

“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

The Philippians’ passage offers three measurements of relational humility.

Measurement 1: Are you listening well to what the other person is saying?

In verse two, Paul writes “being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.” Humility is the internal quality that makes good listening possible. The order of the words is important in our text. Notice how the idea of “one mind” bookends our sacrificial love for one another.
Often in conversations, most of us turn off our listening component, and begin to formulate our own ideas—often while the other person is still talking. When this happens, we are no longer trying to discover what’s on their mind, we’re just prepping for how we can share what’s on ours. The humble person seeks to understand the other person’s perspective. Such an approach expresses their value. The prideful person is unable to keep their ideas to themselves long enough to become a good listener—they’ll have to interrupt. How about you? Are you listening well to what the other person is saying?

Measurement 2: Are you giving adequate attention to your personal shortcomings?

Paul continues, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Selfish ambition and conceit are far easier to see in others than in ourselves. Each of us is born with an internal defense attorney. The moment we fail, that attorney goes to work making up excuses. When we sin, he blames others.  When we lose our temper, he justifies it. When we experience a sense of entitlement, he claims we deserve it.
While this kind of thinking is natural, it doesn’t strengthen relationships, it weakens them. Without humility, we become efficient at seeing other’s faults, while remaining oblivious to our own. The truly humble person will spend an equal amount of time evaluating his own shortcomings; he won’t defend them. When Paul evaluated himself in this way, it was easy for him to refer to himself as the chief of sinners.
There is something winsome in that kind of humility. As someone evaluates their own shortcomings, they grow increasingly thankful for God’s love and grace. An honest evaluation of our personal weaknesses, places us in a much better position to help others with theirs.

Measurement 3: Are you serving others with joy?

Our final measurement comes from verse 4: “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” The writer of Hebrews reminds us that as Jesus not only subjugated his personal desires to our needs, but he did it with joy.
I have a good friend who recounted two conversations with his five-year old daughter sitting in a local diner. In the first, his daughter said, “Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be a doctor.” “Why’s that?” my friend replied. “Because I want to serve people” his daughter answered. A few weeks later, while frequenting the same diner, his daughter’s bright eyes scanned to restaurant. “Daddy, I changed my mind. I don’t want to be a doctor anymore. I want to be a waitress.” My friend smiled and asked, “What changed your mind?” To which his daughter replied, “I didn’t change my mind. They serve people too.”
Humility is like that. It’s just looking for the nearest opportunity to serve another.

This post was taken from Phil’s upcoming book Growing in Grace: biblical strategies for developing strong relationships

Phil Moser is a pastor and author of the Biblical Strategies series and 4M Training for Men. His books are available on Amazon and at biblicalstrategies.com