Teachable and Transparent: two essentials for relational unity

We live in a world where unity is in short supply. In the past, we’ve wrongly assumed that a lack of conflict means unity exists.  But recent events have revealed that the conflicts were always there, simmering just below the surface. Genuine unity means to deliberately consider what the other person is thinking – seeking agreement. If you intend to do your part to develop unity in your relationships, you’ll need to become proficient in practicing the two T’s: a teachable attitude and a transparent spirit. 

A Teachable Attitude

A good friend of mine serves as a professor of counseling at the university level. He opens his first class with a simple—but difficult—assignment for each of his students. They must spend an entire day without ever talking about themselves. Their thoughts, feelings, and plans are to be placed on the back burner for 24 hours. That doesn’t mean that they can’t talk, just that they can’t talk about themselves. Their new method of communication is to ask questions of others and to listen.James gave his readers the same assignment. He wrote, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” [emphasis added].

If you check your thesaurus for “communication,” you’ll find words like announcement, message, statement, letter and email. Noticeably absent from the list is the word listening. Yet, without a listener we’re simply talking to ourselves. To become a better listener is to become a better learner. One writer has wisely said,

The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.
ROY BENNET

Imagine the listening/learning impact on your relationships.

The young dad listens to his five-year old daughter and learns what her friends are like.
The mother listens to her teenage son and learns why school is hard for him.
The boss listens to those on the assembly line and makes a critical adjustment.
The husband listens to a wife and learns why she’s anxious.
Listening is the doorway to learning.

A Transparent Spirit

The Greeks had a great word to describe unity of mind between two parties: homophones. The first part of the word means “same” and the second part describes your thoughts. Various translators capture the meaning with phrases like same-minded, united in spirit, or to think the same thing.

We all know of people whose quality of communication is so good that they can finish their partner’s sentence—and actually get it right! Such communication doesn’t just happen; it’s the fruit of consistent and honest sharing. Without transparent communication it becomes very difficult to be like-minded. You leave the other party guessing at what you’re thinking. Usually, assumptions are made from past experiences that further exacerbate that poor communication.

The apostle Paul warned the church in Ephesus that there was more than one way to kill transparency. He wrote, “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor.” The apostle is teaching us that we can lie by what we do say, and we can lie by what we don’t say. To develop a transparent spirit we must learn to not only put away falsehood, but also speak truth. Are you holding back critical information in your most important relationships? You cannot develop unity without some attempt at transparency. Consider: how can you be unified if the other person has no idea what you’re thinking?

Genuine unity depends upon the two T’s. Renew your effort at being teachable and transparent.

This post was taken from Phil’s upcoming book, Growing in Grace: biblical strategies for strengthening your relationships

Phil Moser is a pastor and author of the Biblical Strategies series and 4M Training for Men. His books are available on Amazon and at biblicalstrategies.com