Sexual abuse and the victim

Whenever I am ministering I am consciously aware that there are those in the audience whose hidden past is painful beyond words. They are the victims of sexual abuse. Those who have been victims of such crimes often feel guilt and shame. There are questions that haunt them. Could I have told someone? Would they have believed me? Could I have stopped the abuse, even if I was a child? Sometimes these questions further the guilt that the victim struggles with.

In helping victims of sexual abuse I have often turned in my Bible to an obscure passage in the Old Testament. Thousands of years ago the Bible acknowledged that there would be this kind of abuse among mankind. And although God’s plan entailed justice for the offender, He wished to alleviate the guilt of the victim. And so He had Moses record the following words for the young woman (or young man) who had been sexually abused.

You shall do nothing to the young woman, there is in the young woman no sin (Deut. 22:26).

I have watched as tear-filled eyes have fallen upon those words for the first time. Guilt is a hard taskmaster – even when it’s not deserved. But the Bible wishes to clear the abused individual of the guilt that they often impose upon themselves, and so it uses the phrase no sin.

Do I wish to infer that it is an easy road back for the individual that has suffered abuse? No. There are always emotional scars. Do we grieve with them for the pain they still may feel? Absolutely. But God doesn’t hold the abused individual responsible for sin that was perpetrated upon them, even though they may feel like it. And the Bible makes that clear. 

God is not angry with them. He loves them, and is concerned about their future. And such a thought is the beginning of healing for the individual who has carried secrets to painful to talk about for as long as they can remember.

The benefit of waiting: Dependence

Next time you feel like you’ve waited long enough for God to do something, reflect upon the characters of the Bible. Author Joann Weaver is bold enough to say what many of us were thinking when we read these stories.

Was it really necessary to leave Joseph rotting in an Egyptian prison cell for such an extended period? Was it vitally important that the Israelites wander in the desert for forty years and Noah drift on a flood for months in a boat that took perhaps a century to build? Were twenty-five years really necessary to move Abraham from the promise to Pampers? Surely there had to be simpler, not to mention faster, method by which to fulfill God’s purposes (Lazarus Awakening, p. 61).

We deeply desire independence. As we enter our teen years we crave it, and in our senior years we fear the loss of it. Perhaps it is because we long for that independence so much that God has us wait, even for a lifetime, for some of the things we desire. Waiting, like fasting, has the potential of developing a greater sense of dependence on our God. His leading. His plans. His purposes. If we respond properly to the waiting process we end up desiring our will less, and God’s will more.

With that understanding consider the following Scriptures.

Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)

May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you (Psalm 25:21)

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! (Psalm 27:14)

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices . . . For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land (Psalm 37:7, 9)

But for you, O Lord, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer (Psalm 38:15).

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry (Psalm 40:1).

And Isaiah 40:30-31 remind us,

Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

I once saw an eagle ascend on hot air thermals when I was fishing the Madison River in Montana. He continued to ascend effortlessly until he disappeared from my vision. In the five minutes that he was within my view, I never saw him beat his wings. He simply rode those hot air currents higher and higher. He was dependent on something other than his own strength.

The waiting period was intended that you and I might sense our weakness, inability, and frailty, and depend wholly on the Lord.

Give us this day our daily bread…

He was from Nigeria, but I met him in Hungary. I was teaching for five days, and he was one of fifty international students studying the Bible in an old communist castle. Over lunch one day, he asked me the question: “Is it right for me to marry an American woman, and expect her to return with me to Nigeria?” I countered, “Why not?” After all the man was tall, handsome, articulate, loved God, and loved his people enough to return to them upon concluding his Biblical studies. His eyes met mine, and he spoke again, “Because it would be a hard life for her there.” He paused. “Sometimes we might go 4-5 days without food. There is nothing available.”

It shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did. When you first begin to travel outside of the United States, you meet poverty of a different kind. In many places it isn’t just the poor that don’t have food, it’s often everyone.

I spent 10 days teaching an apologetics course at a seminary right outside of Kiev, Ukraine. The pastors traveled 6-8 hours for these courses. They gathered once a month to complete their master degrees. But these men were not only hungry spiritually, they were also hungry physically. One of the pastors shared that while he enjoyed the classes, he really enjoyed the lunches. It was the most food he would have the entire month. I looked down at my bowl of soup, and wondered if I had ever really been hungry.

I had a similar wake-up call in Haiti in the fall of 2010. Following the earthquake a group of us were on a house-building mission. We completed two small block homes that were 10 feet by 20 feet. The average two car garage is twice that size. When I was praying with Jeordan, a single mother of six, she commented, “My friends say my house is a gift from God
after the earthquake I never thought I’d live inside again.”

There’s a good chance that you have never had to go five days without food, because there was none in the village. Though you might have wondered where the next house payment was coming from, you probably never considered the possibility of sleeping outside the rest of your earthly life.

Jesus reminds us that we should ask the Father for our daily bread (Matt. 6:11). Such a request adds a sense of dependence to our prayer. We don’t assume we will eat because there are leftovers in the fridge. We ask God to provide what we need that day.

What if this was our attitude of prayer in all things? What if, when we prayed, we had this 24-hour sense of urgency to our prayers.

What if we prayed that way for our kids? Truly believing that unless God intervened, they would not grow up to serve him.

What if we prayed that way for our church? Acknowledging our deep dependence on the Lord for the work of His Holy Spirit in our midst.

What if we prayed that way for ourselves? Fully realizing that without God we could accomplish nothing.

What if the purpose of prayer is that we might develop a dependence on the Lord, and grow in that daily?

The prayer guide of Jesus

Jesus gave us a guide to prayer. He tucked it right in the middle of his sermon on the mount (Matt. 5-7). We call it the Lord’s Prayer. It begins: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name (Matt. 6:9).  The word hallowed is closely connected with the word holy, and it means to be set apart. Another way to think about this is that “God is God, and we are not.” Because he is God we are to reverence him.

This is a great way to start your prayer (Matt. 6:9), and to end it (Matt. 6:13).

But how do we remember this truth daily? How can this idea of reverencing God become a natural part of our prayer time? Perhaps the answer is also found in that opening line of the prayer: “hallowed be your name” What if we recited and reflected upon the names of God in our prayer time? We could also include his attributes in this list. How might that shape and deepen our time of prayer? I’ve included a PDF listing of those names and attributes of God that I trust you’ll find helpful. It is not exhaustive, but a good start. The Hebrew names have been transliterated with a phrase giving their meaning.You may access the list here:  The names and attributes of God

My recommendation is that when you pray you take a few of these qualities and dwell upon them. Express your thankfulness to God that He possesses these attributes. Following Jesus’ pattern, give significant time to praising God before you move on to the rest of your prayer time. In this way your prayer, just like Jesus’, will begin with a time of reverence.

Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who alone does wondrous things. Blessed be his glorious name forever; may the whole earth be filled with his glory! Amen and Amen!  (Psalm 72:18-19)

The great willingness of Jesus…

For those who are unfamiliar with the story, I suppose that Jesus Christ might look like a victim in a heinous crime. Jealous religious leaders plot his death. He is lied about. A mob cries for his crucifixion. Political leaders who are more concerned about politics than leadership succumb to the demands of the crowd. And he is crucified.

 But Jesus makes it clear, while he prays in the garden of Gethsemane that He is no victim (Matt. 26:39).  He requests of His Father to not go through the crucifixion, and then because His Father’s will is more important than His upcoming pain He willingly submits.

Travel back with me to the foot of the cross. Author Max Lucado writes so lucidly of that moment in world history:

When human hands fastened the divine hands to a cross with spikes, it wasn’t the soldiers that held the hands of Jesus steady. Those same hands that formed oceans and built mountains. Those same hands that designed the universe. Those same hands that blueprinted one incredible plan for you and me.

Take a stroll out to the hill. Out to Calvary. Out to the cross where with holy blood, the hand that placed you on the planet wrote the promise. ‘God would give up his only Son before He’d give up on you.’

 Ponder that thought: The God of heaven was so interested in you and me that He gave His only Son. Before you and I were ever born, He ordained Him to pay the penalty of our sin by dying on the cross. Everything you’ve done that was wrong was paid for in one act: the crucifixion of Jesus. That forgiveness is granted to those who believe in Him. Make no mistake about it: Jesus Christ was no victim. He died willingly on your behalf and mine. Have you invited Him, who gave His life so willingly to be your Savior? Why not consider doing it today?

The Valley of Vision – A puritan prayer

Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly.
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter the stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley.

Taken from The Valley of Vision, Puritan prayers and devotions

Analyzing your temptation

I learned a helpful poem when I was younger. But only recently did I begin to use it as an instrument to analyze personal temptations.

I had six faithful friends,
They taught me all I knew
Their names were: how and what and why
When and where and who.

Next time you find yourself falling to a particularly stubborn temptation, analyze the conditions surrounding the temptation to more effectively prepare yourself.

How. What events further your weakness in this area? Do you feel a certain way before you give into the temptation (discouraged, unappreciated, a sense of injustice, etc.). Cain had those kinds of feelings before he killed his brother Abel (Gen. 4:6). God warned Cain that sin was crouching at the door. He was to rule over the desire that had awakened in his heart. Cain never asked the question, “How can I please God?” He simply followed his desires.

What. Have you ever considered the kinds of temptations to which you are most susceptible? Hebrews 12:1 makes a point of saying that each of us should avoid the sin (singular) which so easily entangles. While all temptations are common to man (1 Cor. 10:13), each of us has different temptations that seem especially appealing to our flesh. Categorize your own. Then find the specific Scriptures that combat those temptations.

Why. Understanding your motive for sinning is critical to victory. This is perhaps the most basic question to address, yet the one most often overlooked. Is this pleasing to God or is this pleasing to self? Eve made the choice in the garden to please herself, and so did Adam. He would rather die to be with his wife than live without her (Gen. 3:6). He chose to please himself rather than to please God. A friend of mine captured it this way:

There are only two choices on the shelf: loving God or loving self (Ken Collier).

When. Bruce Wilkerson surveyed men who struggled with internet pornography. Their answers were anonymous and nearly unanimous. His study revealed that most men struggled with internet pornography late on Friday and Saturday nights. With the work behind them and a free weekend ahead of them, they filled their imagined free time with a costly sinful addiction.  Knowing the most likely time for temptation allows you to prepare spiritually for the battle.

Where. I once helped a man who struggled with drunkenness. I grew accustomed to receiving a call at about 4:30 Monday through Friday. He not only knew the time of his temptation, but he knew where it was most likely to occur: A traffic circle north of his home. That’s where the bar was. He would call my cell phone and I would pray with him. One day he remarked, “It’s amazing how that temptation weakens when I get on the other side of the traffic circle.” Do you know where you are tempted? In our home we have a family policy that the family computer is in the kitchen with the monitor facing the door. Even with accountability software on our computers, location matters. Private locations intensify temptation.  

Who. Who’s with you when you’re tempted? Are they a help or a stumbling block? Do they draw you closer to Christ or away from him? Are they the one’s you most admire? (See Phil. 4:9). Who are you following—both literally and on twitter? The Scripture says,

Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character (1 Cor. 15:33)

These are the six key questions that help us analyze stubborn temptations, develop a plan by God’s grace, and realize our need for total dependence upon the Lord (Phil. 4:13).

Jesus and the small group

Jesus did small groups. We tend to think that small groups are a creation of the last 20 years. Not so. Jesus was leading one 2000 years ago. His small group consisted of 12 men that he chose after an entire night of prayer (Luke 6:12-13). Jesus did life with the disciples. They interacted together so frequently that he actually referred to them as family (Mark 3:34).

There are numerous life-lessons the disciples learned from Jesus. But there was one lesson so significant that it surpassed all the others. It happened in the upper room.

The night before the crucifixion, Jesus gathered in the upper room with his disciples. He is there to celebrate Passover – a meal that had rich Hebrew traditions. There was tension that night, revealed through the disciples’ arguments with one another. Luke makes note of it,

A dispute also arose among them, as to which of them was to be regarded as the greatest (Luke 22:24).

The disciples were understandably mistaken about the next item on Jesus’ agenda. Earlier in the week the multitude had been proclaiming Jesus as their Messiah. Hadn’t Jesus said they would sit on 12 thrones over 12 tribes? Were there not twelve of them? (Matt. 19:28)

There must have been pushing and shoving for the head table—every disciple for himself. It is at that moment that Jesus moved away from the table. This is how John recalls it,

He rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. 5 Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him (John 13:4-5)

Jesus does this act of service without a word. In fact, you’re left with the impression that if Peter hadn’t denied having his feet washed Jesus would not have spoken at all (John 13:6).

Having washed the last set of feet, Jesus puts down the basin.

Do you understand what I have done to you? 13 You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. 16 Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them (John 13:13-17)

What if every time I entered a small group setting I positioned myself to serve, and not to be served? Could it be that serving others is a resource to gain victory over my selfish inclinations? Might this be the most important purpose when we gather with a group of friends?

There is something that happens when we serve one another—we discover what God has called and anointed us to do.

And in Jesus’ words,

If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them (John 13:13-17)

Jesus and the multitude

Jesus ministered to people groupings of various sizes. He interacted with the multitude, a small band of disciples, and then a select group of three disciples (Matt. 9:36; Luke 8:1; Mark 9:2).

What might we learn from examining Jesus’ interaction with these various groups?

There is no question that the multitudes were drawn to Jesus. Word spread rapidly in the Galilean villages of his abilities, and people came to see him.

But I believe we stop short when we only see Jesus’ ministry to the multitudes. Jesus looked at the masses of suffering people and felt something.

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. (Matthew 9:36 NLT). 

The word compassion translates the Greek word splanchnos. This is a word that sometimes refers to the bowels or kidneys. In this context some have translated it as “a gut-level compassion.”  Jesus saw hurting people and felt deeply for their desperation.

But Jesus not only felt something, Jesus did something. He encouraged the disciples to pray for more workers (9:37). He divided them up and sent them out (10:1-5). He prepared them for how difficult the task would be (10:5-42).

His compassion moved him to pray, think, plan, and make a difference. The point is: Jesus’ compassion was a thinking compassion. He didn’t just look at the multitudes and have a lump in his throat and a pain in his stomach. He looked, felt, and did.

How might we walk like Jesus in this matter?

Communication technologies have given us a window into the suffering world like never before. Through the internet you can see starving children in Mozambique, homeless families in Calcutta, orphans in Pakistan. When was the last time you did a Google image search on this kind of material? Or is your internet usage limited to checking the stock market, the home team’s stats, and chatting about the meaningless.

If Jesus had been born into our generation, I believe he would have studied the poor and hurting of this world. He would have felt deeply. He would have planned carefully. And he would have acted with urgency.

Jesus looked upon the multitude…and had compassion.

Idols of the heart

If you’ve read the Bible, then you know it’s no secret that God hates idols (Deut.32:21). I know it’s a strong word. We usually think of God and love in the same sentence not God and hate. I used to think that God’s abhorrence of idol worship was simply about his glory (Ex. 20:2-6). After all, he made us so it only makes sense that he is worthy of worship.

But avoiding idols is also about something more. It’s about our protection. God declares that idol worship is a trap to us, and actually equates it with worshiping demons.

They served their idols, which became a snare to them. They sacrificed their sons and daughters to the demons (Psalm 106:36-37)

God desires that we give the best of ourselves to something that really matters: the worship of the true and living God. He understands that when we elevate our desires to that all-consuming status they will drain the very life out of us.

Ezekiel the prophet wrote to the nation of Judah.. Remember, the nation of Judah had been exiled to Babylon because of their infatuation with idol worship. While it appears they had put away their external idols, it seems they had only embraced them internally. So we read,

3 “Son of man, these men have taken their idols into their hearts, and set the stumbling block of their iniquity before their faces. Should I indeed let myself be consulted by them? 4 Therefore speak to them and say to them, Thus says the Lord God: Any one of the house of Israel who takes his idols into his heart and sets the stumbling block of his iniquity before his face, and yet comes to the prophet, I the Lord will answer him as he comes with the multitude of his idols, 5 that I may lay hold of the hearts of the house of Israel, who are all estranged from me through their idols (Ezekiel 14:3-5).

I can think of several reasons why idols of the heart are more dangerous than idols made of wood or stone.

Reason #1: No one else can see your idols. If you had an idol shrine in your living room everyone would know. But because your “idol factory” is internal, you’re the only one who knows you have a problem. Unless you share your struggle with others for added prayer and accountability you will continue to worship secretly that which pleases your desires.

Reason #2: Your heart can deceive you. Jeremiah 17: 9 states,

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick, who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds (Jer 17:9-10).

If you have idols in your heart, not only can others not see them, but there’s a good chance you don’t know they are there either. The only way they reveal themselves is when you’re willing to sin in order to have them. The rest of the time they will work like a silent cancer–growing in size and severity.

Reason # 3: They are all-controlling. 

This is God’s advice with idols of the heart: Destroy them, before they destroy you. Don’t feed your heart-idols. The desires will become stronger, the thoughts all-consuming, and they will feed on your will to say no.

Floridians warn you not feed the alligators. They will instinctively come to the same place, at the same time every day. And one day when you don’t bring food, their small-reptilian mind will assume you are the food. It’s the same with the idols of the heart. Perhaps Paul captured it best,

Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey (Rom. 6:16 NLT)