The Value of Mercy in our Relationships

Mercy is one of those essential elements in relationships because sooner or later the other party will disappoint us. MERCY means to be gracious with others in their need and to be forgiving towards them when they’ve wronged us. Here are four qualities that mark the merciful person.

Quality 1: The merciful person is less prone to anger.

In most relationships when we don’t get our way anger quickly becomes our default response. Anger is often the first responder to our self-interests; protecting them at all costs. If we don’t learn to properly battle this guardian of self, our relationships will begin to suffer collateral damage.  Ephesians 4:32 speaks of kindness, compassion, and forgiveness.
It is noteworthy that verse 32 it is preceded by a verse that offers six different ways to be angry—all of which should be avoided. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” These various forms of anger destroy relationships. The wife whose grown bitter over her husband’s broken promises quits trying at her marriage. The worker with a temper blows his cool and loses his job. Two teenagers who are angry with each other, slander each other’s reputation with their friends. In a moment, anger can destroy relationships that have taken decades to build. When we respond with tenderhearted mercy, we are less susceptible to the various forms of anger.

Quality 2: The merciful person is proactively thoughtful in speech and action.

In Ephesians 4:32 we are charged to “be kind to one another.” Kindness means to be affectionate, loving, sympathetic, helpful, forbearing, or gentle.  Several times in the gospels we read that Jesus had compassion on the crowd. In Matthew’s account he healed them; in Mark’s account he taught them. Jesus’ dual response serves as an example to all of us. He taught and healed. Your kindness ought to reveal itself both in speech and action.

Quality 3: The merciful person is intentional about forgiving the wrongdoing of others.

Quality 4: The merciful person is grateful that they have been forgiven.

The final phrase of our “tenderhearted” verse reads, “forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” This is one of the most potent phrases in the Bible. In just eight words, it challenges all those who have been sinned against to take their eyes off their perpetrator and look within.

Jesus said the merciful will be shown mercy. In forgiveness, we release another from their debt and we discover our personal release from the prison of bitterness we had chosen for ourselves. The third phrase in the verse speaks of “forgiving one another.”
A number of years ago when my wife and I were in Germany, we visited the Ravens Bruck Prison Camp that during the Nazi persecution of the Jews served as a death camp for women. The solemn foundations of the barracks were all that remained in memoriam to those who had died. This had been the home of Corrie Ten Boom, Holocaust survivor, author of The Hiding Place, and a Christian Stateswoman until her death in 1983. As we walked through the solemn memorial, I reflected on her incredibly forgiving spirit. Years after her release, she would meet one of the prison guards. She recalls the conversation this way: “’I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard, and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did then.”

The parable of Jesus

Jesus taught the same truth through a parable about a king who desired to settle his accounts with his servants. One man is brought to him who owes more than he could possibly repay.  Perhaps you’re wondering what kind of figure is so large that it couldn’t be repaid. Jesus makes that clear. He said the man owed the king ten thousand talents. A talent was a measurement for gold or silver. In modern US dollars a talent of gold is valued at $5,760,000. This man owed ten thousand times that amount. He owed nearly 58 billion dollars. At the time of this writing there are less than 10 people in the world who have the wherewithal to pay such a debt. Jesus was making the case that this debt could not be repaid. The king orders the man to liquidate all that he has, sell his wife and children into slavery, and make some form of payment. The man falls to his knees and cries for mercy. Remarkably, the king, taking pity on him, forgives the debt.
But what happens next is even more unbelievable than the forgiving of such a debt. The forgiven servant becomes an unforgiving servant. He finds a man who owes him three months wages (a debt that could be repaid over time) and insists that the debt immediately be paid in full. When the debtor is unable, the unforgiving servant seizes him and begins to choke him (I told you it was unbelievable). Then, he has him thrown in debtor’s prison. When the king finds out, he immediately has the unforgiving servant brought to the castle. And he says, “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?”
Just like that the story’s over, the parable’s mirror turns inward, and we discover: We don’t forgive our brother because we deserve it, but because we didn’t deserve forgiveness when the king forgave us.

The Lesson for Christians

This is why Christians should be the most merciful people on the planet. We have experienced firsthand the forgiveness of a debt we could not possibly repay. Our debt was so great that it would take an infinite eternity to repay it.  Yet, in six hours on one Friday, God’s son hung on a cross and paid it for us. God is indeed rich in mercy. Our mercy towards others should flow from a heart that is forever grateful that the God of the universe was merciful towards us.

This post was taken from Phil’s upcoming book Growing in Grace: biblical strategies for developing strong relationships

Phil Moser is a pastor and author of the Biblical Strategies series and 4M Training for Men. His books are available on Amazon and at biblicalstrategies.com