For Men: 3 Fears We All Face and What to Do About It

I was about 8-years old when I encountered my first possum.  Growing up on a farm in rural Indiana, my morning duties included collecting eggs from the chicken coop. Yet, on this morning there was, what appeared to be, an oversized rat hissing at me from corner. I tried my best to scare him away, but to no avail. I later learned that possums have the unique ability to enter a catatonic state when they feel really threatened. Obviously a screeching 8-year old boy didn't get the job done. We call this "playing possum." Their body grows limp and their heartbeat and breathing become immeasurable. Such a response disarms their predator that was expecting a good fight before dinner.  A possum's response to fear is to withdraw. And. Do. Nothing.  I have found this to be a common response for most men when they're afraid.  Here's 3 fears we all face, and what we can do about them.

We fear what others will think of us.

Proverbs 29:25 reminds us, "The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe." In biblical times, a snare was used to trap an animal. Once their leg was caught in the noose, fear would set in. The more the animal would struggle the tighter the noose would become, making escape impossible. The image is appropriate for how we become trapped by what we think others think of us. 

While these impressions are often self-imposed, our desire for the respect of others is where this fear becomes visible.  At work, we want our fellow employees to recognize our abilities. At home, we want our wife and kids to appreciate our accomplishments.  We fear that neither fellow workers nor our family will give us what we want. We're ensnared by their approval. 

The proverb not only points out the problem, but it offers a solution: "whoever trusts in the Lord is safe." Our focus will need to shift from what others think of us to our Lord who knows what's best for us.  Are we prepared to trust God with what others think of us, even if we incur their condemnation? 

We fear not being in control.

I had never experienced an earthquake until we lived in California. There's nothing like a good California-trembler to help you remember that, after all, you are just a mortal. I was in a second-floor classroom in seminary when the building began to rock and shake violently.  Even though it lasted less than 15 seconds, it dawned on me I had no control over what was happening. California residents live this knowledge. You can't stop the shaking, and you can't do anything to change it. The only thing you can do is to move to the east coast and take your chances with the hurricanes (another reminder that you aren't in control).

The Psalmist uses natural-disaster language to remind us what we should do when we fear that life is spinning out of control: "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling" (Psa. 46:1-3).

When earthquake-size events happen in our life, God is our refuge and strength. He is not only a future hope; he is a present help in trouble. While the Bible speaks of "waiting on the Lord" nearly 150 times, when we trust him, we are reaching for his present help.  Trusting him can start today. There's no need to wait for tomorrow.

We fear that no one will care what we're going through.

In my years of counseling fractured marriages, I've learned that most people leave their marriage not because they're incompatible, or because they argue too much. Most people quit on their marriage because they don't believe the other person cares, and they've grown exhausted trying.  Few fears run deeper than the fact that when we encounter a difficulty no one will care.  Two passages from Psalm 56 dispel this falsehood. We can trust God, precisely because he does care. 

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? ...You have kept count of my wanderings; put my tears in your bottle.  Are they not in your book? (Psa. 56:3-4, 8).

No one cares like God cares.  He keeps track of our emotional "wanderings." Not one tear is forgotten. He records our pain. This is why the Psalmist says that when he is afraid he will trust in God, and when he trusts in God he's not afraid. It's not simply because God is God; it's because God is God and he cares.

Whatever the cause of your fear, God can be trusted. He is all-loving, all-powerful and all-wise. Trust him today and hold your fears at bay.

PHIL MOSER is the author of the Biblical Strategies series and the developer of 4M Training: a 13-week small group study for men. All of his resources are found on amazon or at biblicalstrategies.com. Consider booking Phil for your next conference or retreat.