3 Things that Restoration Doesn’t Promise

Broken relationships require restoration. Restoration often brings expectations. Often, those expectations aren’t realized in a timely manner and we grow discouraged with the restoration process.  For 22 years Joseph lived in Egypt while his brothers lived daily with the lie they had propagated about his death. For that same time Joseph’s father believed him to be dead, and never stopped mourning for his son. You would have thought that such a restoration would be a great celebration. While it may have been, I’m certain it was not without its challenges. Here are three things we learn from the life of Joseph that restoration doesn’t promise.

Restoration doesn’t mean you will be without regret.

Joseph gave a gift to each of the brothers who had sold him into slavery: a new cloak (Gen. 45:22). Can you imagine wearing your new cloak on your three-week journey to tell your father you had lied to him when you had torn up Joseph’s cloak and stained it with blood?  The cloak was a garment by day, and a blanket by night. A 24/7 reminder of what they wished they hadn’t done.  Even when we have been restored in our relationship with another, we may still have regrets for a past that we wasted.

Restoration doesn’t mean that there will no longer be conflict.

One of the final warnings Joseph gave his brothers was: “Do not quarrel on the way” (Gen. 45:24).  Just because you’re restored doesn’t mean old habits of blaming others will no longer be a problem. The brothers spent years habitually lying and failing to take responsibility for their actions.  A change of heart was a start, but it did not instantaneously bring about a change of lifestyle. Don’t be discouraged when, having restored a relationship, you still have some conflicts. Give thanks for the restoration, and work at changing the old habits in your communication.

Restoration doesn’t mean you will find it easy to trust.

The brothers told their father that Jacob was alive and he went into shock. He doesn’t believe them (Gen. 45:26). That shouldn’t be surprising. He is asked to believe sons that have just confessed they had been lying for 22 years in a row. If you are working towards restoration in a broken relationship, don’t assume trust will naturally occur. The other person’s belief in you will come, but it may take time. Joseph’s story gives us a unique insight into this truth. The passage says, “But when they told him all the words of Joseph, which he had said to them, and when he saw the wagons that Joseph had sent to carry him, the spirit of their father Jacob revived” (Gen. 45:27). Jacob couldn’t deny what he could see. So, it is with trust. Be thankful that there is a commitment to restore the relationship, and don’t demand that the offended party trust you too early. Give them time to see the change. Trust grows when what we say synchronizes with what they see.

Phil Moser is a pastor and author of the Biblical Strategies series and 4M Training for Men.  His books are available on Amazon and at biblicalstrategies.com